I wrote this song while attending a conference in 2025. Professional conferences are places where I am most confronted with Impostor Syndrome. You’re in a large groupd of your peers, most of whom you do not know, and so much of it seems pretentious. As a secure introvert by nature, I’ll often slip off into a corner to see how many strangers approach me to start a conversation, and to see if that conversation moves beyond the “who-what-and-where” of my name tag. At this particular conference, there was an exercise that was designed to get us to let down our defenses. We paired off with another stranger and were lead through questions designed to create vulnerability. For some reason, that was a deeply moving experience for me, so I went back to my room and wrote these lyrics.
I stood in the crowd,
but I felt alone.
Held my social drink
but I wish I was stoned.
John told jokes
with his perfect smile,
But his eyes looked hollow —
like a lost little child.
If I disappeared,
would anyone know?
If I sat this one out,
who’d say “Where’d you go?”
We all wear a face
that fits our disguise,
And hope we’re not seen behind our own lies.
Sofie stood close she wondered
who she might be,
If she could just show up
with no pedigree.
We got paired up,
shared what we both hide.
And for five short minutes,
Ripped out my insides.
If I disappeared,
would anyone know?
If I sat this one out,
who’d say “Where’d you go?”
We all wear a face
that fits our disguise,
And hope we’re not seen
behind our own lies.
If I was real,
did it fade too fast?
Did we both retreat
behind our mask?
For a brief break in time,
bein’ human felt real —
For a brief break in time,
I was able to feel.
Maybe all we want
is someone to see
The mess beneath
who we pretend to be.
If I disappear, just let me know
That I was here before I go.
That my name tag meant
more than who, what, and where —
That I could feel myself real…
And I could feel myself care.
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